Sometimes I Hate Being Right

 Wow. I was not wrong! Wednesday proved to be SO much more difficult than Monday. It was like everything (*cough* Satan *cough*) was conspiring against me! I bore with hunger and a low-grade headache all day, plus a case of the grumpies. (Sorry, husband!) Then my beloved husband (maybe I'm less sorry 😂) wanted snacks with TV time. ALL the snacks! And guess who's the dutiful wife who fixes all those yummy snacks and sits beside him starving while he's eating them!!! Well, my own fault. I could have had bread. But I was terrified that if I put anything in my mouth, it would ruin everything. And my fasting bread was still frozen, so all I had access to was grocery store bread, which I worried would definitely make me hungrier. 😟 And then, to cap it off, my teenage son, who had endured an awful day at school, and heroically (for him) not punched anyone, requested a batch of late-night chocolate chip cookies. I dove into those cookies at 12:03. Not exactly proud of that, but hey, I made it. Felt like a woman hanging onto the side of a cliff by her fingernails the last little bit, and my ADF commitment was shot, but I made it to midnight. 😂 Not that I even know where to find those other ADF people. Oops. Someone really needs to comment on that post so I can find it again.

Fasting bread, out and ready for the day

I have my bread out of the freezer today, just in case, but so far, it seems to be going better. Doesn't hurt that my cycle started Wednesday night, so a fair bit of my struggle can probably be attributed to end-cycle hormone issues. I tend to have low progesterone, which brings on a little bit of PMS. 😒

Today, I've agreed to keep the grandbaby overnight, so it should be a fun day. Jacob is already excited, and helped me set up the playpen, contributing one of his own blankets to make it soft and cozy. 😊💕 Ham and beans are in the crock pot, to serve as dinner for those of us who will be eating (i.e., everyone but the cook 😂), and there's plenty of housework to keep me busy, so hopefully I won't be too tempted by food.

Fasting

 So it's been a long time. (Told you this would happen.) Over a month has passed since the last time I sat down to write a post. I followed through with my consecration to our Blessed Mother on her feast day, January 1st (it also seemed an apt way to begin a new year; I may redo it on the same date each year, as recommended. I mean, that's the plan. I'm terrible with follow through.

My consecration bracelet

One of the things Our Lady has since led me to discover is fasting. Not that I'm new to the concept. I'm not, not remotely. I observe the fasts required by the Church on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday (although they always seemed too. . . easy), and I've recently tried observing Ember Days (miserable flop). I also discovered intermittent fasting for health and weight loss over the summer, and took off about 50 pounds, arriving at a weight I had not seen in somewhere between 10 and 15 years. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've been more successful at fasting for my physical health than my spiritual health. However, I gained a bit back over the holidays, and I was having trouble getting started again. I needed a kick in the pants. And that seems to be what Mary has given me by introducing me to her messages on fasting and prayer, in Medjugorje (not an officially approved apparition yet, but the fruit coming from it seems genuine enough), and also (how did I miss this?) in Fatima. Probably others; I'm no Marian apparition scholar. But the messages in Medjugorje specifically request that the faithful fast on Wednesdays and Fridays, on bread and water. I gave that a try when the Christmas season ended (no fasting during that time frame), but the problem I run into is when I eat, I want to eat more. Such is my disordered relationship with food. So for the moment, I'm going to try simply not eating at all on those days (and also Monday, as a part of an agreement with a small group of fellow intermittent fasters. On Monday, I follow the rules of physical fasting (for lack of a better term in my head at the moment). No food, but coffee and plain tea are allowed. On Wednesdays and Fridays, per our Mother's instructions, I'll also be giving up coffee and tea. Lest you think this is surely dangerous, in IF circles it's fairly well-known as ADF, or alternate day fasting. I haven't tried it before, preferring to stick to a schedule that allows me to eat dinner with my family each night, but I have in the past completed longer fasts, up to 72 hours, so I knew going a single day without food would be quite manageable. It's harder in my mind than in my body. I love food. . . too much. It's unusual to arrive at 100 pounds overweight otherwise. "Social" food times, like dinner with the family, game night (we always have snacks), or watching TV in the evenings with my husband are the hardest times of my day to go without eating. Not because I'm physically hungry, but because food is good and people around me are eating it.

I suspect (Monday is in the books for this week) that Wednesdays and Fridays will be more difficult than Mondays, and not just because caffeine is an appetite suppressant. 😂 I know what difficulties I have had in the past with fasting for spiritual purposes vs. purely physical purposes. I think Satan will be on me harder on those two days. Not because my Monday fast, offered up, is without spiritual fruit, but because those are the two days specifically requested by Mary, so they'll be the ones he wants to derail the most. I have a loaf of Sr. Emmanuel Maillard's fasting bread in the freezer, but honestly, I don't intend to use it. Tried that. Simply not eating at all is easier for me. In the future, when I have grown stronger (and hopefully reach a weight where ADF is no longer a good idea, because I'll want to be maintaining as opposed to losing), I'll try fasting on bread again. Our Lady did say that bread and water is the best fast. Somehow, I don't think she meant "because going without food entirely is better, but I don't think you can manage it." The bread is supposed to be reminiscent of the Eucharistic Christ, and that, I believe, means that spiritually, fasting on only water is lacking something. But right now, I am not where I need to be yet. I asked advice from others, and spoke to a woman whose priest had advised her the same, that going without food entirely was completely acceptable, when one suffers from this particular problem. (I thought I was alone here!)

But, for today, I need to wrap it up here. Perhaps next time, I'll get around to talking about some of the other things that have been going on, or that I've been learning recently. Pray for me, if you happen upon this, even if it's many years old. God is not confined by time. 😉